muziklprodigee @ 2009-01-10T12:06:00

2038-01-19T03:14:07Z

I just looked at my last entry (which was really short), promising to write more when I actually had the time. And I think it's really funny that I finally ACTUALLY have the time, the freedom, and the peace of mind to write my next entry exactly one month later...no more, no less. That's a really long for my sanity to be restored, but that's kind of my life right now.

Since my last REAL post, it's amazing how much has happened in my life and in the jobs that I have. Essentially, all of my jobs got super crazy all at the same time, and I spent about a full week straight in early December working for about 14 hours every day, if you include school and all of the stuff that I actually had to do. After that, I just couldn't take it anymore. I've typically been able to handle the 6 jobs that I have with pretty amazing regularity. If you're wondering, the 6 jobs are In-N-Out Burger, ASU ushering, music ministering at the Episcopal Church of the Transfiguration in Mesa, accompanying for Detour Theater, accompanying for Shadow Mountain High School, and accompanying 4 voice students at Arizona State University. I also do little gig-like things, like playing for another episcopal church on the night of the 4th Sunday of every month. WELL, after that stretch of working for what seemed like forever, I slept in accidentally because my body needed it...and in the process, I missed a shift for one of my jobs completely, which prompted a call from my boss saying that he hoped I didn't get in a car accident on the way to the job. After that, I decided that I just couldn't keep up with everything I was doing. I dropped In-N-Out Burger on the 27th of December. I didn't want to, but I had to...and I have to accept that my time will get taken up with my other jobs. It was great working so much - I loved the money, and I really did love the people and the job itself, but it was just getting too crazy to go to 3 or 4 different venues per day for a minimum of 3 hours each. Can I really expect that much out of myself? And is it fair to my employers to expect 100% out of me everywhere I go if I work this much?

So I quit INO after the holiday season. And I thought things would be less stressful, but instead, I was exactly right saying that my time would get filled up with other stuff. The director of Shadow Mountain called me and wants me to get a substitute's certificate so that I can actually go down and help TEACH when he's absent, which is a lot this semester, apparently. I've already been there for 4 full days so far in January, and it looks like I'll be there for about another week during the month. I have 60 students to play for during Solo/Ensemble and Regional festivals. 60! Remember when we thought it was bad to be in more than 2 things? ...Or even just to BE there for the day? I am going to feel so drained after playing for 60 students. But I do it because it's my job and because I don't have much choice. The worst part is that I won't even be getting paid any extra for it because it's part of my regular yearly contract. AHHHHHHHHHHH!

In other news, now that I'm going to have a little more time on the weekends after quitting INO, I decided that I am going to rejoin the handbell world. Hopefully, being in a professional group will restore my musical sense of self that I feel like I am losing every day. It will be fun to be a part of a group that is self-directed and picks great repetoire.

As far as any love life is concerned, I find that I attract a lot of "clingers" - people that love me much more than I will ever love them back. It's really starting to get uncomfortale for me, but I don't want to be cold to anybody...it's part of my nature. It's really, REALLY difficult to find a balance between being nice to someone and not seeming like I'm interested in that person. I don't want to give mixed signals, but I don't want to be awful and give someone a cold shoulder, either. Do I just continue to do what I do and hope that their unabashed affections will just wear off? I've got 3 people that I have to "fend off" without hurting them. Is this right? Or by trying to be nice, am I just hurting them anyway?

Maybe the best thing to do with my love life is actually find a girl that I'm interested in and get in a relationship. I think that would tell the clingers to stop trying. But with who? And do I even have enough time to support an interest of my own? I definitely have a couple of people in mind, but I need to decide what I want first. And that's one of the hardest things for me to do.

What I really LOVE about the world is that if you don't like the way information is being taught to you, YOU have the freedom to change the way you see the world and put it in terms that you understand. Since the vast majority of information comes in opinions of varying strengths, no one is stopping anybody from taking that information and spinning perspectives. In this way, life can be seen as a constantly-changing curriculum. You pick it, you organize it, and you construct it in your mind the way you want so that it makes sense to you. And the product is not necessarily talent or extraordinary wisdom or anything - it's the same knowledge that anyone can readily receive, but organized in a way that makes more sense than what others' attempts have culminated to. I don't think this should be special in any way, because we all are capable of achieving greatness in any field, and life really is what we PERCEIVE it to be.

If anybody wants something to do between now and next week, I have a favor to ask. Research and look at the piece of art called Inside Down, Upside Out (it's currently at the Phoenix Art Museum)...and give me your thoughts and opinions about the piece. I have to write a string quartet based on the work, and I'm having trouble finding my inspiration.

Thanks. Those of you who are still reading this are some of the gretaest friends I have. I love you all and miss you deeply.

Forever and Always,
-The Music Man