Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in muziklprodigee's LiveJournal:

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Friday, June 6th, 2008
6:54 am	Update: Summer of No Excuses Summer so far has been FANTASTIC!  Granted, I haven't done anything worthwhile to advance myself as a musician, but still...I'm hanging out with people who I deem important, so that's worth noting.  I have officially dubbed this summer the "summer of no excuses" because there is finally no reason for me to not go out and be with people every day of vacation!  I told myself that money was no object, but we'll see how long that lasts (especially if I do any more turnaround trips to California...that can get pretty expensive, I learned). Six Flags is AMAZING!  I'm so glad they decided not to shut it down last year!  Thanks to Richard for spontaneously deciding that we needed to do something "epic", and thanks to my awesome cousin John and amazing brother Justin (& his totally cool girlfriend Julie) for tagging along on incredibly short notice!  John even took the day off work for it, calling his boss at 9 P.M. to let her know that he wouldn't be in the next day.  Now THAT'S what I'm talking about with the "summer of no excuses" thing! I also give myself mad props for conquering my fears of heights and roller coasters finally!  I feel like my heights fear is really shrinking and that if I can go on every important ride at Six Flags Magic Mountain, I have definitely conquered the roller coaster one.  I had to make sure I got myself a season pass so that I can go multiple times between now and the end of the year!  Also, if people randomly want to tag along next time, let me know, because it really wasn't that hard to do at all. Also, side note to breakfast party people: that needs to happen again really really soon!  What a cool day!  It was better than completely abandoning everything after scratching the Salt River Tubing idea. Other ideas for the summer include, but are by no means limited to, the following: Sunsplash/Waterworld/Big Surf, tubing (for reals this time), bowling, laser tag, sleepovers, other meal parties/barbecues, volleyball games, walks down Mill Avenue, turnaround trips to other states/Disneyland, etc.  Please let me know if you can do any of these because my summer of excuses still has 2 and a half months left! But now that I've had a little time to unwind from school and intense musical pressures, it's time to start things up again as well, so I've decided that it's time to set goals for myself again.  The top priorities are exercise and finishing up a string quartet, as well as trying to find my passion in music (and composition).  I think that I still have my passion for it, but it's been suppressed so much because I don't want to seem like a nut who's crazy about their art, so much so that they don't have any time for anyone else.  It's really hard to balance the two.  On the one hand, I don't want to feel like I've lost my connection with music completely (and I don't think I have), but it doesn't mean the same to me as it did when I was 15 and really passionate about my writing.  Now all I do is write when I have a deadline, and I don't think that's the way my soul wants to do things.  But on the other hand, I feel like if I'm too devoted to what I do, I will fall into some sort of musical nut category and people will start making over-generalizations about me and not want to hang out with me.  I'm finding out that that's actually a huge insecurity for me.  I'm afraid that my music will affect my personality so much that I'll turn into somebody that won't have time for other people...that I won't be as relaxed or easy-going, that I'll have to put my music before other people, etc.  Maybe I feel like I've been that way for so long that college has been my mind's way of purging the insecurity that people haven't liked me because I haven't kept promises of hanging out.  I'm trying to correct the people issue and it's dragging me away from my true passion.  And it isn't like friends hinder my passion at all...but right now, I think that I'm getting the two ideas mixed up.  I need to get the right idea into my head; when you find your passion and you are really interested in something, your friends will respect you more because you will have found what embodies you.   And then they can respect both you and your accomplishments, and this will, in turn, make you feel much more proud in yourself. You guys are great friends.  Stay with me as I try and work hard to find my passion again!  I don't want to lose any of you because I seem too devoted to my art, but I can't sit back and suppress my ideas much longer.  I think it's finally time to act.  I don't blame anyone for my current mental state, and I'm not blaming it on any situations...it's just what my brain has manipulated the situation to be.  And it's time to get back to making music fun again.  I'm really going to try this summer.  It HAS to happen.  It HAS to.  I can't continue to feel this lifeless in the area that I should feel most exuberant. Also, I need to get back to bed.  It's way too early to be writing this.  *Sigh* thanks, Six Flags hugely-altered sleep schedule. Forever and Always, -The Music Man (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 3rd, 2008
10:32 pm	Summer Plans Alright LJ and all my other friends out there, Every summer we say we're going to do so much stuff together and that it's gonna be the GREATEST SUMMER EVER.  But do you know why that really comes true this year?  Because I finally have a car and money.  That's right, I now have all the resources to road trip with whoever I want for pretty much however long I want as long as I schedule it ahead of time. Therefore, the only thing left to do is to give you all my projected summer schedule.  I want it to look like THIS: Sunday: Church 9-11:30, Work at In-N-Out, 4:00-10:00 Monday - Thursday: Work at In-N-Out, 11(:30)-5:00 Planned Vacations: Trip to Chicago, June 11-15 (Projected) This schedule will leave me every Friday and Saturday to do WHATEVER with WHOEVER, no questions asked.  It will also leave me every night free with plenty of time for a morning recovery.  Also, my church has offered me 2 paid Sundays this summer (one of which is the Chicago trip), but the other one is free for me to determine.  In-N-Out burger is also one of the most flexible companies EVER with schedule, so just tell me that you want to go on a road trip and as long as it's sometime in the later half of the week (Tuesday-Saturday or Monday-Saturday, something like that), then I can just take those days off work a couple of weeks in advance and we can DOOOO IT. I'm up for anything.  Up and down the West Coast, through Nevada, Utah, and Colorado, or down to Texas, maybe even Rocky Point?  I have no idea, but I want ideas so we can start putting things down on the calendar.  With this type of a schedule, there is NO WAY that this can't be the best summer ever! Oh, and P.S.: The condo will be hosting its annual July 4th party for the 2nd year, so come on down if you don't have any plans right now!  Also, I would like to inform you all that the condo now has the following amenities: Snow cone machine, S'more maker, and the newest addition: A POOL TABLE!  No, I am NOT kidding!  Come party with me? Forever and Always, -The Music Man   (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 1st, 2008
4:03 pm	Do you ever wonder how all of society is developed on some huge game of universal tug-of-war based on the strength of opinions?  All of the things that we can call absolutes in this life started as opinions which grew stronger and were maybe proven, making them fact...and once those facts were known by everyone and transferred into common knowledge, they became absolutes.  The only reason we know anything in life is because somebody else knew it first. Think about your life right now, and what you believe, no matter how small or how large.  It doesn't even have to be religious.  Why do you believe what you do?  Because somebody told you about something, and you COULDN'T REFUTE IT.  Life is one giant argument from us outside to our peers.  We influence one another and constantly pull back and forth in the universe, waiting for enough opinion to shift one way so that it becomes fact, and we can figure out what the hell to do with it. That's why topics like love are so complex, and nobody knows anything about them.  Nobody has come out with strong enough opinions to sway people about what love actually is, so nobody REALLY knows what it is.  We just guess.  And if two people's guesses match with each other, they become fact in those people's minds and things click.  Isn't it funny that in relationships, all we're trying to do is convince the other person that things could work out?  It's a very subtle argument, but it's still an argument and a reciprocation of all of these principles. I just happen to find it funny that when I look at the vastness of the world and what everybody believes, I find that there are very few things in life that I know for certain.  And that even if I may know something for certain, somebody could come along and convince me that I'm wrong at any moment, and I'd have to completely redefine my life.  The only reason why we're even living the way we are is because it HASN'T BEEN DISPROVED YET.  We haven't failed yet.  If we had, we'd stop doing what we were doing and try something else in hopes that it would work, right?  This is why I have just recently learned that you should NEVER count out the importance of the impact you make on so many people EVERY DAY.  By simply living, you are changing everyone's opinions slightly, and it all is part of this universal balancing act that make up our society.  It's not a game that you win, and changing everyone's opinion does not necessarily shift any tug-of-war balance to "your side," but isn't it funny that a lot of our goals in life have to deal with being the best person that we can be, and that the best person that we can be isn't really us, but rather, a collection of everybody else?  I just thought that was interesting.  But still, you can be a huge influence on people in smaller circles, and it might be enough to make them adapt to include part of you in their personality.  So it's always important to exemplify your beliefs that others have provided you so that you can recycle that and watch it germinate in other people. And I guess that's really what friendship is all about. Forever and Always, -The Music Man (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 24th, 2008
7:37 pm	Productivity! Thank God for school winding down.  I'm not sure I can take much more of this madness. But you know what? I actually feel ready for the end of the semester, for once.  Aside from feeling like I never write enough music to be acceptable to my professors, that is.  I ALWAYS feel that way.  They keep telling me that it's not about quantity; it's about quality.  And yet, even though I feel like I'm growing in my musical knowledge, I still think it's never enough for it to be my MAJOR.  They say I should be writing at least 2 hours a day.  I write about 4 hours a week, and usually that's the morning when I have my lesson in the afternoon!  I'm such a procrastinator.  And yet, they still think that my output is good enough to show that I've made progress, which is all that matters. I've kinda always felt lucky in that respect.  That I've never had to DO a whole lot with my life, yet people think that I've done a lot with it.  Really, all I do is sit at the computer practically all day, listen to sports games, and think about how my life could be so much better.  I mean, I go to school and I have a bunch of odds & ends jobs, but I only got those because I know people who know people who THINK that I do things with my life, so they hire me.  I really don't think I'm as much of a go-getter as people would think.  It's much more that I was just blessed with abilities, and they've really carried me to here so far.  It's only been recently that I've bothered to do practice or really write music because it's only in these last two years that I've really been forced to do anything with my life.  I guess I have college to thank for that.  But really, if there wasn't anything for me to do with my life, I wouldn't do anything.  I'd probably do Sudoku all day or try to challenge my mind by thinking about why I'm not doing anything exciting.  But I can't say for sure if I would really work hard enough to fill any voids in my life. That's kind of an AWFUL thought.  I hope there are more people out there like me so I can feel justified when I say something that awful.  But I don't know if I'd really, truly have the energy to actively pursue what I really want in life.  As a matter of fact, I DON'T really know what I want yet.  Should I?  Should we ever?  I want goals, but I wouldn't even work to achieve them, so what's the point of goals?  Maybe I should just LIVE. I think that I've been better at that over the last year.  I'm making enough money, I have transportation, and I have friends, so I like to go do things with them.  A lot of times, that gets in the way of schoolwork, but I'm almost at the point where that really doesn't matter so much.  Last August, somebody told me that really, when you take away everything unnecessary and meaningless in this life, the only thing that really, truly matters is TIME with PEOPLE.  Because people are really all we have.  If we can't interact with people, then what is there?  You can DO all you want, but why would you if you keep it all to yourself?  So lately I've kinda been putting schoolwork on a back burner and tried to just talk to people more. And you know what?  It's AWESOME.  People are amazing if you give them time to express themselves to you and you really value them.  I'm seriously going to try to be with people much more often.  I can just feel the rewards in my spirit; I feel better, I'm happier, and because of that, I pass it on to other people.  And then they're happy.  And when life is going well, things just feel good. And even the two traffic tickets I got and the defective snow cone machine can't stop me from being happy right now.  WHY?  Because I just get back up and rebound from it.  Yesterday, I turned in my old crappy snow cone machine and bought a new one that WORKS HAHAHAHA!  And then today, I bought joey some chaffing fuel for his new S'MORE MACHINE!  Holy crap we have the coolest gadgets in our house!  They're so pointless but so amazing.  Does anybody want to party?  Seriously, like, whenever?  We can have shave ice and roast marshmallows in the living room! Oh.  My.  God.  The Office just started and I'm missing it!  I promise, I will finish these thoughts VERY SOON. Forever and Always, -The Music Man Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Joey's Trumpet...soon to be the OFFICE THEME (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 16th, 2008
9:19 am	Weird This morning, I had to go to Alphagraphics so that I could make copies of some materials that I was using for a music history presentation.  For my project, I'm speaking to my church choir about the importance of hymn music from the renaissance to the present-day.  So I copy my materials for 10 choir members, and how much does it cost? $6.66.  That's not ironic at all. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 3rd, 2008
2:25 pm	This is unbelievable.  My art is just not coming to me at all.  It is incredibly painstaking to write just one measure of music anymore.  I've been told to give it time, return to basics, think about the larger picture...and for some reason, I'm still caught up on what the VERY NEXT note is going to be.  I am progressing so slowly, and it really hit me hard this week because I've been trying to compose something for a friend.  I even put a deadline on myself...and now that deadline's tomorrow.  I've been working on one particular piece for 3 months now and it's only halfway done.  This week, when I've devoted the most time to it, I've only written 2 measures.  TWO!  Granted, I got the rest of the piece worked out in my head sort of, but I'm so caught up on micromanaging that I can't purge myself and just write for the sake of writing. Screw this.  This is ALL I HAVE.  My art is IT right now.  And I can't do it...and not only is it failing me, but it doesn't even seem like I want to do it half the time.  This is what I'm going to school for!!  I could be stuck in math, or history, or science!  Instead, I get to do what I LOVE as homework!  And I can't even produce when I've finally been set free? Maybe this isn't what I should be doing with my life.  If I can't be doing the thing I "love most" when I'm in the most ideal time and place of my life to do it, then maybe that's not really what I love most.  Maybe it's something else. I can't even BEGIN to explain my frustration with myself.  And I know I'm frustrated, but based on my actions, I don't even want to change things.  I seem so content in my failure; it's really funny how much I act like I don't care.  And deep down, I know I do.  I know I do because I love to hear my finished product and people tell me that I'm good and that helps.  But the fact that I don't even want to write because I don't think I could ever make myself happy with my own art? What more is there to life? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 16th, 2008
7:01 pm	( *Sigh* ) So much has happened since I last wrote in here.  Good God.  I can't believe that I hardly care to update my life anymore. Justin's birthday party went so well!  ...Aside from the crap that wasn't planned, like the car accident and the not-being-able-to-go-sailing-on-Tempe-Town-Lake-because-of-the-wind thing.  But seriously, other than that, it went well.  And I was proud that I actually cared enough to do something for my brother.  I guess I actually do still have feeling for the important things. Lessons learned in the past two months: NEVER play Monopoly for more than 6 hours (especially with Richard.  By the end of the game, there were properties in Free Parking and there was enough diplomatic immunity involved in trades to make the game last FOREVER), ALWAYS go to Taco Bell instead of Jack in the Box, NEVER overload your spring break with pointless jobs,  ALWAYS go to basketball games with Joey, NEVER flake out on people for no good reason (see above), ALWAYS save your fast food coupons, NEVER see Camelot again, ALWAYS find time to meet new people, NEVER give up on your art if it's what you really love (who knows?  You may just need a quick reminder/pick-me-up), and ALWAYS live life.  ALWAYS live life. If you're in town for Spring Break and you want to hang out at weird hours of the night, call me! Forever and Always, -The Music Man (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 21st, 2008
11:56 pm	( Read more... ) Current Mood: blank Current Music: The Last 5 Years (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 14th, 2008
3:04 pm	I was just riding my bike home (not very fast) from the ASU music building, and as I was riding, I passed this college kid walking back to his car.  I didn't think anything of it.  And then I passed this like, 75-year-old woman right after I passed the kid.  A split second after I passed her, I heard her yell, "HEY, STOP WALKING LIKE THE JAPANESE!!" ...I assume it was to the kid in front of her that I had passed right before, but...he was white.  And walking perfectly normal.  Nobody else was walking within earshot. So to all of you college kids out there, REMEMBER: stop walking like the Japanese.  You don't want to get yelled at by grandmothers. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 7th, 2008
11:25 am	Holy crap I composed!  I sat down for a half-hour and I wrote 4 measures of something.  And it felt so great!  Why haven't I been doing this under my own free will?  Why am I wasting so much time instead of pursuing my art? It just made me feel like I really do enjoy what I do when there's no pressure to perform to a certain standard.  I wish I would compose for myself more often, and make it feel like it was for my eyes only.  At least that way, I'll like it even if nobody else does. ...Maybe that's what I should do more with my life in general, instead of waiting for something exciting to come around. Life can get really frustrating when you don't know what you're doing in it.  Or maybe that's the wrong way to think.  I want to live life, I don't want life to control the way I live it. That might be tougher than I think right now, but deep down, I think it's right. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 1st, 2008
5:04 pm	I'm really happy that 2007 is over.  I needed a fresh start and a new beginning.  Hopefully, I will really make it seem like the clean slate that it is and work hard at becoming somebody that I can really be proud of.  I'm tired of letting myself down. I thought 2007 would be a great year...and it kind of disappointed me.  People left, there were crazy changes in my life, some good and some bad, but for the most part, I didn't really grow in a way that I wanted to.  I changed a lot and became a fully-responsible person.  I am now completely in charge of my life, and I love the independence that I have.  I'm blessed with a bunch of great friends that I really love, and even though I don't get to see them that often, they have really been there for me.  I live with great people and I'm having a great time doing what I love. I don't feel like I'm doing enough, however.  I want to do more to advance myself musically, and even though I'm being given the opportunities, I'm not taking advantage of them and it makes me sad.  I know there's an easy way to solve that, but it's a lot harder than it seems.  It will just take countless hours of dedication that I'm too lazy to spend to better myself.  God, that sounds horrible.  I hate saying stuff like that, especially when it's true, but I need to tell myself so I can get up and do something about it.  I want to WRITE again.  I want to say that I'll do something and actually do it right away instead of waiting days or weeks to complete it.  I want to be more efficient, I guess.  It's frustrating because I could be doing so much more with my life if I used my time, and I'm just not.  No excuses.  This year HAS to be different.  I HAVE to make myself happy that way. So I guess that's the goal.  Hope everybody's New Year celebration was great, and I hope everybody enjoys the new year as much as I will try to.  Forever and Always, -The Music Man P.S.: I found out that my primary love language is words of affection, not touch as I first thought.  I guess I hate being told I'm doing the wrong thing more than anything else in the world.  And I think that's true because of my insane fear of rejection.  Thanks, Facebook quizzes. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 25th, 2007
10:47 pm	I swear to God I'm not confused about her anymore.  I was so close to having a real heart-to-heart with her this week, but she was too busy, I guess...either I'll save it for winter break, or I'll try and call her before then.  Either way, we need to have a really deep talk about how she feels, with no sugar-coated bullshit.  And for once, I need to actually tell her that I'm mad at her instead of simply saying it in my head.  She needs to know what kind of a hell she put me through for months.  I am going to start by giving her the opportunity to never talk to me again.  If she says that's crazy and she still wants to be my friend, I'll tell her that she needs to damn well act like she cares.  And if she doesn't ever talk to me after that, then I can be proud that I will have gotten rid of something completely fake in my life.  Hopefully, that will help me get back on the path to being somebody I can accept. I know this is incredibly shallow and incredibly stupid, but sometimes, I wish that I would get in a serious accident and get sent to the emergency room of a hospital, just to see who would show up and tell me they really love me.  I also would love to sit in on my own funeral just to see what people really thought of me.  I feel like there are so many things that we withhold from each other, not because they're good or bad, but simply because they're extreme and we don't want our true feelings to be exposed.  It makes me start to believe that everything is fake...either that, or it's just not vivid enough.  I have a feeling that we could have so many more meaningful relationships in our lives, and we're afraid because of what people might think of us if we tell them we really love them.  I've been talking to Caitlin Tierney for the last couple of months about everything, and when I saw her the other day, I ran up to her and gave her a HUGE hug and I almost started crying.  There are very few people and very few occurrences in life where it's OK to be real to people, and I really want that to change.  It makes me feel like maybe those of us who feel like we haven't felt TRUE love really have, but we just don't know it because we don't express how full of love we truly are.  It makes me wonder how many truly meaningful relationships I've missed out on because I've been too scared to tell people what I'm really thinking.  Who cares if peoples' perception of you gets changed?  At least if you go and you tell people how you really feel about them, YOU will feel real.  And right now, I want that so badly.  I want to feel raw and completely bare, and even if that completely shatters my thick outer layer of personality, then so be it.  I will be taking a step forward, and if I can be loved by my true friends through the process, then I will come out of it so much stronger and so much more ALIVE than the majority of the modern world. I want so badly to give everything to someone and have them give everything to me.  And I want it so badly to be a FRIENDSHIP, something that can truly last, and something that obliterates condemnation.  I want to feel free in someone's arms, even if I have to strip myself down to the very core of my being to do it.  And most of all, I want that to be OK in the world. Forever and Always, -The Music Man (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 3rd, 2007
9:05 pm	For someone who said that he wouldn't be very interested in facebook, I have turned into a FACEBOOK WHORE.  Seriously.  I'm there all the time.  Sometimes, when I'm at home, I check it every 10 minutes.  Why, I have no idea.  It has consumed me. Damn you, facebook.  Damn you, internets.  You have ruined me with your senselessness. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
8:11 pm	I'm totally leaving all of this nonsense in her court.  I've been too depressed over it the last few days, and it's only doing what it did to me back in August when she left.  I don't get how she can post a song like that on Facebook and then completely ignore whatever I have to say about it.  I've tried to get in contact with her a few times now, and she hasn't responded to me.  It's her decision.  She really needs to grow up, because this is ridiculous. Joey's practicing trumpet, so even though I want to do musical things, all I do is hear his trumpet so I can't do anything until he's done.  I hope it's soon, I've still got lots to do. Immediate projects: Dance piece, practice for wedding and for tomorrow morning. Not-so-immediate projects: Final composition project, practice for concerts, practice for NATS and Shadow Mountain High School concert, JURIES OH MY GOD! But on the bright side, I can finally see the end to this semester and it's comforting knowing that it's there and all I have to do is GET there.  I'm frustrated though, because this semester has taken a lot out of me.  Plus, amidst all the stress, I've gotten fatter and my face looks terrible.  I'm still not in the mood to go out on a date with anybody even though I know I should, and my teeth are gross.  I can't keep up, but when I have free time, I just waste it.  I don't know what I'm doing with my life. This is about what happened in junior year before I finally had to decide that I was really going to turn it around; that there weren't any more excuses; that I just had to go out and do what I needed to do because when all the crap hits the fan, the most important person in my own life HAS to be me.  It HAS to.  If I'm not happy with myself, I'll never make someone else happy.  I need to keep telling myself that and get back to someone I really know I can appreciate.  Right now I'm just mired in self-deprecation. Plus I'm an adult now.  It sucks to be an adult and have to be concerned about so many adult things.  Then I tell myself I'm so busy but I look at my schedule and I'm really not.  I don't know what's going on.  I mentally stress myself out so much that I have to eat a lot and my face explodes, but if I just did stuff, it wouldn't be necessary.  Life should be so much easier, and yet I'm struggling.  Something isn't right. I guess I've gotta go try and figure it out, one step at a time. Forever and Always, -The Music Man (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 30th, 2007
5:14 pm	Cait dedicated this song to me on Facebook last night.  When I woke up this morning and saw it, I downloaded it.  I cried as I listened.  It was so agonizing, and yet, I put it on repeat. ( Walk Away - Ben Harper ) I replied with a facebook message that said, "I miss you." I'm still so fragile. (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 28th, 2007
9:36 pm	Kristen's in a relationship now.  Gotta say, I'm not too surprised.  *Sigh* back to the drawing board. Halloween party was pretty much the best thing ever after it really got going.  Cheers to everyone for playing Spin the Bottle the way it was intended to be played :) Joey doesn't want to acknowledge that he kissed some of the people that he kissed last night though.  And it's cute, but also kinda sad.  He was like, "If a girl came up to me and we went on a date and she asked me how many people I had ever kissed, I would say 2."  And my argument is that he's actually kissed 8 people total because of last night, but he proceeded to try to explain to me that those weren't actual kisses.  They were only kisses in a game, and therefore, they don't count.  But I think that's a load of CRAP because it actually happened!  Like, he kissed people...even if someone kissed him and he didn't kiss back, or even if it was a brief lip touch...either way, it doesn't matter.  A kiss is a kiss, and he kissed people, whether he wants to admit it or not.  They're not just "game kisses," they were real.  Does someone want to back me up on this one? In other news, I'm still super-stressed out, but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.  And that light is a little less than two weeks away.  And it's only a short pause in the hecticness that life brings, but hey, I'll take whatever I can get at this point. I'm not sure if I want Cait to see the photos of me making out with other people or not.  I know that I DEFINITELY don't want her to see the one of me kissing...well, yeah.  That would be bad. Want to know what I'm talking about?  Just hit up facebook and follow the links.  You'll see it. Forever and Always, -The Music Man (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 24th, 2007
1:24 pm	Way, Way, WAY Back in Time... Jesus Walks With Me and Other Tales We Tell Our Children By T.W. Lawrence   I t was a Saturday night, when Jaime decided not to go to the theatre. The decision had been a long time coming, yet when it finally did present itself, she was a little surprised at the sense of lechery that went along with it. Jaime thought to herself intently as she didn’t go to the theatre. It had been a matter of years and extreme loss of sentiments since she had robbed a local pharmacy…so that seemed like the better plan for the evening. It would seem that lady luck had other plans.           She picked up books, and left the room, walking past Joey in the street. The last time she had seen Joey, he was no more than an eager boy looking for a good time – but the years between their meetings tainted him with the harsh realities of life. When it is stated that he was in the street, take it literally.           As she passed by, Richard, who was walking with Perry, gave her a small coin, though it wasn’t really a coin. It was in fact the soul of Joey that Perry and Richard, two of the Grim Reaper’s accomplices, had recently attained. Luckily enough, it worked as common currency all the same, and so she purchases a single Dr. Pepper receiving in turn a shiny nickel.           Out of nowhere, there was a small explosion, and an awaking of light that aroused the few observers. They immediately rushed over to Joey, who was spontaneously imploding, due to the absence of a soul. Now, implosion is a funny thing, sometimes you feel like you’ll never return from an implosion unchanged, other times it just passes you by, there have been instances of implosions decimating cities, such as that of the legendary sunken city of Atlantis. Yet there have also been times that things have just slowly been sucked out of existence, just because they weren’t ever meant to be, like Joey. I don’t know, for me, implosions have sort of been like licking a lollipop.           For Joey, however, it was a time he would never forget…for that matter, he would never remember either, for he died…because he didn’t have a soul…because Richard and Perry stole it…bitches. God bless their souls for saving us from such a whorebitch.           Unfortunately, for them, Jaime had a displeasing idea that she was scheming. Rather than robbing a pharmacy like she planned, after deciding not to go to the theatre, she would rob a cemetery to rob back a soul for Joey – for soul stealing is much bigger game than simple Vioxx or Morphine. So she ventured forth, leaving the man in the pavement, and the two reapers, to bicker among themselves, and never again be mentioned in this story.           She meandered through the rows of headstones, and stopped in front of a statue of a brave knight. Looking deep into the statue’s eyes, she knew there was some ancestral connection between them. As the music bloomed behind her, she slowly realized that there was little other life for her than to care for this fallen titan that seemed an embodiment of grace and Joey. She pulled a small vile out of her pocket that she had intended to place the Vioxx in. Rather than filling it with her meaningless drugs, she collected the single tear dispersing from the statue’s left eye.  Unaware of what malicious intent this queer lady may have for the tears of his dearly departed wife, the old grave digger, Carlos Santana decided to intervene. “Hola,” was the only word that Carlos could form out of his mouth.  This simple greeting frightened Jaime so, that she sped from the cemetery as fast as her feet would take her and ran straight to the theatre, where a midnight showing of “Blazing Saddles” was about to commence. Interestingly enough, it would seem that your humble narrator was incorrect in his assumption that lady luck had other plans… my bad. She stopped at the concession stand and ordered a diet coke and some milkduds. She did love nothing more than a scrumptious, delectable, voluptuous, chocolaty box of milkduds, with a diet coke to wash it down. Unless of course you counted the delectable, voluptuous, and eternally scrumptious visage of her deceased Jed. Jed was a picture she hung over her fireplace, depicting a late German scene of rose petals and vitermilch, which she had so cunningly nicknamed, Jed. But then the connection struck her: The statue was the embodiment of the beauty she finds in Jed, and that beauty was what she cared for so deeply in the soul of Joey.  Mother fucking Joey, have we not had enough of that formerly pompous, formerly living prick, this is the last time that I will say this, I never want him to be mentioned again…else my love may once again resurface. Oh, how I once loved that pompous mother-fucking son of a bitch.             THE END (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 21st, 2007
10:04 pm	Avenue Q was great!  Thanks to Ali, Justin, and Peter for making that day rock so hardcore :)  Hilarious memories include talking smack about Tucson, the toga-riffic party prank phone texts, the roundabout, the Bad Idea Bears, conversations about the Office, the gazebo, and of course, thinking that there was a Cold Stone in the ghetto. In the meantime, Cait has called back a couple of times.  We're just playing phone tag now.  Last week, Joey and I played foosball every day...if he won, I couldn't call Cait, and if I won, I would call her back and talk to her.  He won every game we played!!  I couldn't believe it!  He had NEVER beaten me at foosball before.  NEVER.  And now we raise the stakes of the game and he kicks my ass.  I don't understand.  I can't call her now.  She calls me every now and then, but by rule, I can't call her back.  Maybe tomorrow...now, if I could only beat Joey at foosball.  Those games were HEATED, too.  Anyone who has been to our condo knows the condition of our foosball table.  It's not the best.  But Joey and I almost destroyed it!  Screws were flying around all over the place, and I think some of the wood boundary actually flew up when Joey was about to score a point one time.  Yeah, it's not easy trying to put together a foosball table. Kristen actually called today!  She had a question about theory, but still, we talked for like, 20 minutes when she had better things to do!  So there you go.  Plus, we're going swing dancing (next Saturday, I think?) so that's some pretty good development too!  Now all I need to know is if she likes me for SURE.  And with her personality, there's no way that's going to ever come across to me.  Maybe I'll just have to take a risk and make a move sometime.  I don't know when that would be, but at least then I would know that I have some balls. Finally, I might be starting to get my life on track.  I went out and bought a whiteboard and some really nice markers the other day because that's the only way I've functioned since the 7th grade.  I need to see everything I have to do written down in front of me so I can prioritize my life.  Finally, it might be working.  I've done a whole lot of homework, and even though there's still a ton of stuff to do this week, it wouldn't be as much if I just DID it instead of procrastinated.  Basically, I just need to use every second of time that I have to the fullest extent of my ability, and I'll be fine. Guess that means I'm done with the journal for the night. Forever and Always, -The Music Man P.S.: Today, I measured one of my pubic hairs because I was curious about how long it was.  The result: 11 and a half inches.  I'm not even kidding.  How do they get that long?!  Looks like it's another trip to Supercuts for meeeee!  LOL Current Mood: productive Current Music: Avenue Q (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 18th, 2007
11:09 pm	I'm just a normal boy That sank when I fell overboard My ship would leave the country But I'd rather swim ashore Without a life vest I'd be stuck again Wish I was much more masculine Maybe then I could learn to swim Like 'fourteen miles away' Now floating up and down I spin, colliding into sound Like whales beneath me diving down I'm sinking to the bottom of my Everything that freaks me out The lighthouse beam has just run out I'm cold as cold as cold can be, be I want to swim away but don't know how Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean Let the waves up take me down Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah) Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down Let the rain come down Where is the coastguard? I keep looking each direction For a spotlight, give me something I need something for protection Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind I'm treading for my life believe me (How can I keep up this breathing) Not knowing how to think I scream aloud, begin to sink My legs and arms are broken down With envy for the solid ground I'm reaching for the life within me How can one man stop this ending I thought of just your face Relaxed, and floated into space I want to swim away but don't know how Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean Let the waves up take me down Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah) Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down Let the rain come down Now waking to the sun I calculate what I had done Like jumping from the bow (yeah) Just to prove that I knew how (yeah) It's midnight's late reminder of The loss of her, the one I love My will to quickly end it all Set front row in my need to fall Into the ocean, end it all Into the ocean, end it all Into the ocean, end it all into the ocean, end it all Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) I want to swim away but don't know how Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean Let the waves up take me down Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah) Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down Let the rain come down Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) (Into space) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) (I thought of just your face) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
4:17 pm	Cait called me yesterday when I was busy, and she told me to call today. What do I do... I'm definitely having that mid-semester crisis that I get every semester.  The one that has me wondering if I'll ever be able to do all the stuff I have to do.  Right now, I'm struggling just to keep my head above water, and I've kind of gotten in this mindset that if I want to catch up, I can't waste a minute of my time.  I spent $70 on a nice whiteboard and good working markers to make myself feel more organized, and I've been crossing things off of my lists, but I still feel like it's just too deep of a hole to dig myself out of right now.  Lessons Friday and Tuesday (and I still haven't learned the notes for 3 pieces and we're halfway through the semester), a dance piece to edit and add to by Sunday, and another composition due Wednesday.  It doesn't sound like much, but when you add in the fact that I'm in school till 3:30 every day, that there's a mandatory concert I'm seeing tonight, that I have work tomorrow from 5:30-close, that my Saturday is completely taken up by an 8:00 In-N-Out meeting and then going to TUCSON to see AVENUE Q, and that Sunday morning is church, Sunday afternoon is ushering, and Sunday night is a mandatory concert...well, that takes me back to the beginning of the week again.  That leaves no time for my first lesson, hardly any time to prep for the second one, it leaves me no time to work on my Sunday night deadline, and JUST enough time to regroup to write the composition.  I'm struggling with this.  If I really want to get everything done, that pretty much means...no sleep for Stephen. I keep thinking that after THIS week, it gets easier.  But there's one tiny problem with that: every week is this week. Alright, I'll call her.  But if our conversation lasts longer than 5 minutes, I'll be shocked. Forever and Always, -The Music Man Current Mood: worried Current Music: Home - Daughtry (Comment on this)