muziklprodigee (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} muziklprodigee) wrote,@ 2009-07-22 16:10:00 |
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Remaining Summer Schedule:
"Free" week from July 22nd-July 29th
Light Rail Performances July 29th-31st, then travel to Flagstaff for rehearsal
Performances in Sedona, 3:00 and 7:30 on August 1st
Church in Phoenix morning of August 2nd, Performance in Scottsdale afternoon of August 2nd, party?
Travel to New York City August 5th-11th, travel to England August 12th-18th
Free week before school starts from August 18th-24th
I turn into a completely different person when I talk to my great-uncle in England. I find myself trying to conform so much, trying to sound proper and almost trying to compensate for having such a "ridiculous" American accent. I feel so dumb after I talk to anyone from Britain...Europeans are so much smarter than we are.
My parents sent me home with a couple of boxes that, basically, contained my life in them, and last week, I actually decided to get them out and look through them. A lot of the things in the boxes were of prior concerts that I had done, whether with the Phoenix Boys Choir or Desert Bells or by myself. I had a lot of photos, all of which I kept, and then a few drawings and insignificant things from my childhood that I just ended up throwing away. What was most interesting was that I seriously kept all my photos, and the only other things that I always kept were times when I wrote down what I was doing and feeling (mostly on tours with various performing groups). I found that to be very interesting, so after I sorted through my boxes of junk (I probably threw away half of it), I sat down and opened up the empty journal that I had been given about 9 months ago and started to just write down some feelings about life...
In short, I keep a journal now that is not this one. I've never WRITTEN in a journal before, but I think it will do me some good. And, of course, when I look back on it 20 years from now when it's away in another box, I'll feel good that I allowed myself to vent thoughts and feelings in such a way (even though I could probably find this site on the internet still if I still wanted). I'm trying to write in it daily, or if I'm too busy, at least whenever I can. I want to look back on life and actually be assured that I've done SOMETHING with it. This way, even the insignificant things that I write about will seem more significant and it will provide some post-satisfaction to my life, even if it is a little empty.
Not sure what I want out of life and love right now. Have a couple of prospects that I would probably rather keep just that: prospects. And I think I feel that way because I can tell that they won't be perfect for me, so I'd rather not get into too serious of a committed relationship. I think that belief comes from the fact that my time is so incredibly valuable to me that I would rather not waste it. In women, especially, I'd rather see a ton of potential before I date someone than try to find it along the way. That's just me. So I don't know what I'm going to do with these prospects; probably just phase them out until they're no longer of real importance. It makes me sad that I don't believe that it's "better to have loved and lost...", but I'm at the age where I have to come to grips with what I really feel or else I'll never understand myself (or anyone else, for that matter).
Life is an entirely different conundrum in itself. I had a breakdown a couple of weeks ago and talked to my mom about a lot of stuff that's troubling me, and she basically told me that I have got to start getting my life in order. That means prioritizing and putting my life and my career before satisfying the needs of others. She told me that artists have to be incredibly content living along and perfecting their vision of a fully-committed, passionate life that is dedicated almost solely to their craft. She said that it's time to be alright with not being understood and being left out of things because it's just part of the sacrifice that I have to make if I want to be really good. And I DO want to be really good at what I do because I know that I can be successful. So I guess that means that I have to start weed-whacking my schedule to pieces and learning to say "no" and charging what I feel like I'm worth for my time (which, as already mentioned, is ever-increasingly valuable to me and to others that want me). And if I can do that, I'll be on my way. Of course, composing and practicing music would be a good start...
Kudos to Encore for giving a great performance in Tucson! I hope we can get together and have a viewing party of that soon.
Kay wants to know who's staying and who's going next year because she wants to keep the group together. I haven't decided yet, and I'm sure that a lot of other people are in the same position I'm in. It was a lot of fun, but I'm thinking that maybe it's almost better to have sort of a "one-hit wonder" year and leave it at that. I don't want to have bells suck me in for my entire life, and I'm going to have to get away from it sometime. In fact, I was already away from it for 3 years and it was good to take a break. Kay told me that we'd play a piece of mine if I came back and we had the time and ability to play it, but I don't even know if that's going to completely entice me. I think I'd need the right people to want to do it again, even though it really was a lot of fun and was probably my greatest outlet from the difficulties of the semester last year. I don't know. I'll think about it and I'll evaluate it. It's just one of those processes that I'll have to do with everything I'm doing in order to make life fun again.
In the meantime, I'm just trying to relax and get a few things done before the semester hits in late August. If I could have fun along the way, that'd be a plus.
Forever and Always,
-The Music Man
"Free" week from July 22nd-July 29th
Light Rail Performances July 29th-31st, then travel to Flagstaff for rehearsal
Performances in Sedona, 3:00 and 7:30 on August 1st
Church in Phoenix morning of August 2nd, Performance in Scottsdale afternoon of August 2nd, party?
Travel to New York City August 5th-11th, travel to England August 12th-18th
Free week before school starts from August 18th-24th
I turn into a completely different person when I talk to my great-uncle in England. I find myself trying to conform so much, trying to sound proper and almost trying to compensate for having such a "ridiculous" American accent. I feel so dumb after I talk to anyone from Britain...Europeans are so much smarter than we are.
My parents sent me home with a couple of boxes that, basically, contained my life in them, and last week, I actually decided to get them out and look through them. A lot of the things in the boxes were of prior concerts that I had done, whether with the Phoenix Boys Choir or Desert Bells or by myself. I had a lot of photos, all of which I kept, and then a few drawings and insignificant things from my childhood that I just ended up throwing away. What was most interesting was that I seriously kept all my photos, and the only other things that I always kept were times when I wrote down what I was doing and feeling (mostly on tours with various performing groups). I found that to be very interesting, so after I sorted through my boxes of junk (I probably threw away half of it), I sat down and opened up the empty journal that I had been given about 9 months ago and started to just write down some feelings about life...
In short, I keep a journal now that is not this one. I've never WRITTEN in a journal before, but I think it will do me some good. And, of course, when I look back on it 20 years from now when it's away in another box, I'll feel good that I allowed myself to vent thoughts and feelings in such a way (even though I could probably find this site on the internet still if I still wanted). I'm trying to write in it daily, or if I'm too busy, at least whenever I can. I want to look back on life and actually be assured that I've done SOMETHING with it. This way, even the insignificant things that I write about will seem more significant and it will provide some post-satisfaction to my life, even if it is a little empty.
Not sure what I want out of life and love right now. Have a couple of prospects that I would probably rather keep just that: prospects. And I think I feel that way because I can tell that they won't be perfect for me, so I'd rather not get into too serious of a committed relationship. I think that belief comes from the fact that my time is so incredibly valuable to me that I would rather not waste it. In women, especially, I'd rather see a ton of potential before I date someone than try to find it along the way. That's just me. So I don't know what I'm going to do with these prospects; probably just phase them out until they're no longer of real importance. It makes me sad that I don't believe that it's "better to have loved and lost...", but I'm at the age where I have to come to grips with what I really feel or else I'll never understand myself (or anyone else, for that matter).
Life is an entirely different conundrum in itself. I had a breakdown a couple of weeks ago and talked to my mom about a lot of stuff that's troubling me, and she basically told me that I have got to start getting my life in order. That means prioritizing and putting my life and my career before satisfying the needs of others. She told me that artists have to be incredibly content living along and perfecting their vision of a fully-committed, passionate life that is dedicated almost solely to their craft. She said that it's time to be alright with not being understood and being left out of things because it's just part of the sacrifice that I have to make if I want to be really good. And I DO want to be really good at what I do because I know that I can be successful. So I guess that means that I have to start weed-whacking my schedule to pieces and learning to say "no" and charging what I feel like I'm worth for my time (which, as already mentioned, is ever-increasingly valuable to me and to others that want me). And if I can do that, I'll be on my way. Of course, composing and practicing music would be a good start...
Kudos to Encore for giving a great performance in Tucson! I hope we can get together and have a viewing party of that soon.
Kay wants to know who's staying and who's going next year because she wants to keep the group together. I haven't decided yet, and I'm sure that a lot of other people are in the same position I'm in. It was a lot of fun, but I'm thinking that maybe it's almost better to have sort of a "one-hit wonder" year and leave it at that. I don't want to have bells suck me in for my entire life, and I'm going to have to get away from it sometime. In fact, I was already away from it for 3 years and it was good to take a break. Kay told me that we'd play a piece of mine if I came back and we had the time and ability to play it, but I don't even know if that's going to completely entice me. I think I'd need the right people to want to do it again, even though it really was a lot of fun and was probably my greatest outlet from the difficulties of the semester last year. I don't know. I'll think about it and I'll evaluate it. It's just one of those processes that I'll have to do with everything I'm doing in order to make life fun again.
In the meantime, I'm just trying to relax and get a few things done before the semester hits in late August. If I could have fun along the way, that'd be a plus.
Forever and Always,
-The Music Man
