muziklprodigee's Journal

Update: Summer of No Excuses
Summer so far has been FANTASTIC! Granted, I haven't done anything worthwhile to advance myself as a musician, but still...I'm hanging out with people who I deem important, so that's worth noting. I have officially dubbed this summer the "summer of no excuses" because there is finally no reason for me to not go out and be with people every day of vacation! I told myself that money was no object, but we'll see how long that lasts (especially if I do any more turnaround trips to California...that can get pretty expensive, I learned).

Six Flags is AMAZING! I'm so glad they decided not to shut it down last year! Thanks to Richard for spontaneously deciding that we needed to do something "epic", and thanks to my awesome cousin John and amazing brother Justin (& his totally cool girlfriend Julie) for tagging along on incredibly short notice! John even took the day off work for it, calling his boss at 9 P.M. to let her know that he wouldn't be in the next day. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about with the "summer of no excuses" thing!
I also give myself mad props for conquering my fears of heights and roller coasters finally! I feel like my heights fear is really shrinking and that if I can go on every important ride at Six Flags Magic Mountain, I have definitely conquered the roller coaster one. I had to make sure I got myself a season pass so that I can go multiple times between now and the end of the year! Also, if people randomly want to tag along next time, let me know, because it really wasn't that hard to do at all.

Also, side note to breakfast party people: that needs to happen again really really soon! What a cool day! It was better than completely abandoning everything after scratching the Salt River Tubing idea.

Other ideas for the summer include, but are by no means limited to, the following: Sunsplash/Waterworld/Big Surf, tubing (for reals this time), bowling, laser tag, sleepovers, other meal parties/barbecues, volleyball games, walks down Mill Avenue, turnaround trips to other states/Disneyland, etc. Please let me know if you can do any of these because my summer of excuses still has 2 and a half months left!

But now that I've had a little time to unwind from school and intense musical pressures, it's time to start things up again as well, so I've decided that it's time to set goals for myself again. The top priorities are exercise and finishing up a string quartet, as well as trying to find my passion in music (and composition). I think that I still have my passion for it, but it's been suppressed so much because I don't want to seem like a nut who's crazy about their art, so much so that they don't have any time for anyone else. It's really hard to balance the two. On the one hand, I don't want to feel like I've lost my connection with music completely (and I don't think I have), but it doesn't mean the same to me as it did when I was 15 and really passionate about my writing. Now all I do is write when I have a deadline, and I don't think that's the way my soul wants to do things. But on the other hand, I feel like if I'm too devoted to what I do, I will fall into some sort of musical nut category and people will start making over-generalizations about me and not want to hang out with me. I'm finding out that that's actually a huge insecurity for me. I'm afraid that my music will affect my personality so much that I'll turn into somebody that won't have time for other people...that I won't be as relaxed or easy-going, that I'll have to put my music before other people, etc. Maybe I feel like I've been that way for so long that college has been my mind's way of purging the insecurity that people haven't liked me because I haven't kept promises of hanging out. I'm trying to correct the people issue and it's dragging me away from my true passion. And it isn't like friends hinder my passion at all...but right now, I think that I'm getting the two ideas mixed up. I need to get the right idea into my head; when you find your passion and you are really interested in something, your friends will respect you more because you will have found what embodies you. And then they can respect both you and your accomplishments, and this will, in turn, make you feel much more proud in yourself.

You guys are great friends. Stay with me as I try and work hard to find my passion again! I don't want to lose any of you because I seem too devoted to my art, but I can't sit back and suppress my ideas much longer. I think it's finally time to act. I don't blame anyone for my current mental state, and I'm not blaming it on any situations...it's just what my brain has manipulated the situation to be. And it's time to get back to making music fun again. I'm really going to try this summer. It HAS to happen. It HAS to. I can't continue to feel this lifeless in the area that I should feel most exuberant.

Also, I need to get back to bed. It's way too early to be writing this. *Sigh* thanks, Six Flags hugely-altered sleep schedule.

Forever and Always,
-The Music Man

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