muziklprodigee's Journal

Productivity!
Thank God for school winding down. I'm not sure I can take much more of this madness.
But you know what?
I actually feel ready for the end of the semester, for once. Aside from feeling like I never write enough music to be acceptable to my professors, that is. I ALWAYS feel that way. They keep telling me that it's not about quantity; it's about quality. And yet, even though I feel like I'm growing in my musical knowledge, I still think it's never enough for it to be my MAJOR. They say I should be writing at least 2 hours a day. I write about 4 hours a week, and usually that's the morning when I have my lesson in the afternoon! I'm such a procrastinator. And yet, they still think that my output is good enough to show that I've made progress, which is all that matters.

I've kinda always felt lucky in that respect. That I've never had to DO a whole lot with my life, yet people think that I've done a lot with it. Really, all I do is sit at the computer practically all day, listen to sports games, and think about how my life could be so much better. I mean, I go to school and I have a bunch of odds & ends jobs, but I only got those because I know people who know people who THINK that I do things with my life, so they hire me. I really don't think I'm as much of a go-getter as people would think. It's much more that I was just blessed with abilities, and they've really carried me to here so far. It's only been recently that I've bothered to do practice or really write music because it's only in these last two years that I've really been forced to do anything with my life. I guess I have college to thank for that. But really, if there wasn't anything for me to do with my life, I wouldn't do anything. I'd probably do Sudoku all day or try to challenge my mind by thinking about why I'm not doing anything exciting. But I can't say for sure if I would really work hard enough to fill any voids in my life.

That's kind of an AWFUL thought. I hope there are more people out there like me so I can feel justified when I say something that awful. But I don't know if I'd really, truly have the energy to actively pursue what I really want in life. As a matter of fact, I DON'T really know what I want yet. Should I? Should we ever? I want goals, but I wouldn't even work to achieve them, so what's the point of goals? Maybe I should just LIVE.

I think that I've been better at that over the last year. I'm making enough money, I have transportation, and I have friends, so I like to go do things with them. A lot of times, that gets in the way of schoolwork, but I'm almost at the point where that really doesn't matter so much. Last August, somebody told me that really, when you take away everything unnecessary and meaningless in this life, the only thing that really, truly matters is TIME with PEOPLE. Because people are really all we have. If we can't interact with people, then what is there? You can DO all you want, but why would you if you keep it all to yourself? So lately I've kinda been putting schoolwork on a back burner and tried to just talk to people more.

And you know what? It's AWESOME. People are amazing if you give them time to express themselves to you and you really value them. I'm seriously going to try to be with people much more often. I can just feel the rewards in my spirit; I feel better, I'm happier, and because of that, I pass it on to other people. And then they're happy. And when life is going well, things just feel good.

And even the two traffic tickets I got and the defective snow cone machine can't stop me from being happy right now. WHY? Because I just get back up and rebound from it. Yesterday, I turned in my old crappy snow cone machine and bought a new one that WORKS HAHAHAHA! And then today, I bought joey some chaffing fuel for his new S'MORE MACHINE! Holy crap we have the coolest gadgets in our house! They're so pointless but so amazing. Does anybody want to party? Seriously, like, whenever? We can have shave ice and roast marshmallows in the living room!

Oh. My. God. The Office just started and I'm missing it! I promise, I will finish these thoughts VERY SOON.

Forever and Always,
-The Music Man

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Joey's Trumpet...soon to be the OFFICE THEME

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